Monday, January 30, 2006

Tears...

Tears are something that I'm familiar with. Luckily, I've never experienced true heart wrenching pain; the type that comes with the loss of a loved one or other horrific disaster. But, I'm a very sensitive and intense person and truly feel things with the very depth of my soul.

Tears came this weekend...

Upon learning that my son was chosen for a very special award at his annual football banquet. Last season he was awarded "Most Improved Player" for his team. What a great accomplishment, having been recognized out of the 35 boys on his squad for the improvement on the field and in his game. This year, out of the entire organization and over 125 boys, he was picked as the first recipient of the "Sportmanship Award". I am so very, very proud of him. Last year he was honored for his ability, but this year's honor talks about his Character, about the Person that he is... So, I shed tears of joy and pride for the person that is my son.

Tears came this weekend...

Upon realizing that I wasn't there to see him in person and feeling the mother's guilt associated with it. Upon realizing that teenage boys prefer to spend Friday nights with their team mates rather than with mom and dad...

Tears came this weekend...

Upon watching said son enter his wresting tournament seeded at #1 and win his matches on Saturday ready to head into the finals on Sunday. Upon seeing what a great leader, team captain and team mate he is. About feeling the pride of watching your youngest child enter manhood. Mothers of sons who wrestle have first hand knowledge of anxiety and what a racing heart feels like. Wrestling is an individual sport; just one opponent against another mixing strength, speed and strategy.

Tears came this weekend....

Upon watching my beloved son make one mistake in his first match and seeing his opponent capitalize upon it by pinning him... dashing all hopes and dreams of making it to the finals and a chance at the title. At seeing the anguish of a young man who is so stoic and sensitive and logical. At seeing him berate himself and hang his head replaying the match over and over again in his mind, knowing with every fiber of his being that he could have beaten him, and was beating him until the costly error. Of seeing him watch the finals with exasperation while he hung his head and fought back the tears that had to be burning his dark eyes. Of knowing that there was nothing that I could do to take his pain away.

Tears came this morning...

Upon awaking my son and explaining that "Yes, he still had to go to school".. and knowing that it would be the hardest thing for him but also the best thing. About trying to give advice and let him know how very proud I am of him when the advice of trying not to dwell on it is something that I personally suffer from. My son is so much like me; intense, sensitive, and a perfectionist... all good qualities except when something doesn't go right and we replay it in our minds, searching for the answer and justification. Unfortunately, I know that he knows exactly where the problem occured but can't go back and fix it... it was final.

Tears came this afternoon...

Upon walking into a new art class with my special needs kids and hearing boos from the students in the room... Berating them for being so rude and asking them to picture their little sister or brother walking into a room of strangers being met with that...

Tears are coming now...

Thinking about just how I'm supposed to explain everything to my kids when they return momentarily... and make everything all better...

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Springtime Saturday??

I have to check the calendar! The weather today was absolutely gorgeous and it felt like May out there rather than January. I didn't get to spend any time outside though because Jake had a wrestling tournament at his school and we were there working all day. Getting up at 5:00AM on a Saturday after staying up until 2:00AM watching movies probably wasn't the smartest move on my part!

Tonight, I've got laundry to do and look forward to just hanging on the couch! Slow news on the Pats front so updating the website will be a snap. Time to start looking into all of the changes that I want to make.

Looks like I'll have to wait to take a class this semester since my original 2 were cancelled due to low enrollment and I tried to take them online but those sections are all full... go figure. I really don't want to waste a spring semester as it's traditionally the time of the year that I have the most time to dedicate to a class.

Tomorrow I've got lots of things to do for school.. I came home with a huge bookbag full of stuff. So, it will be football/schoolwork Sunday. I still can't believe that we're all done... :-(

Well.... time to grab a bite and start the endless chore of doing laundry.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Thursday update

It's been a busy week.. but what else is new?! I'm doing crappy on my diet too... watching it and upping the exercise but the scale's not budging.

I'm still not totally believing that our football season is over... It will probably really hit this weekend when I'm on the couch but the Pats will be too :-(

My html class was cancelled last night due to low enrollment so I'm going to try to take it online next month. Good thing I didn't drive all the way there and checked my email before heading out!

Work's been decent although some of my kids have been absent because they're having lots of seizures...it breaks my heart...

I'm tired because I barely slept last night.. .too much on my mind, upset stomach and a couple of bad dreams... So, hopefully tonight I can get whatever web work I have to do out of the way now then I can hit the hay early.

And... Happy Birthday mom... I love you and miss you!!

Monday, January 16, 2006

Is it Just a Bad Dream?

Well... I woke up thinking that it was all a bad dream but alas, the headlines online and in the papers still screamed about the end of the season, so it really wasn't a bad dream.

It's a nice sunny day but once I spent some time updating the site and once I get this post done, I'm dedicating the rest of the day to doing work for school. I've got a lot of reading and learning to do about the Alternate Assessment that I need to put together for some of my students. Also, they're finally going to hire another teacher to alleviate some of the issues that I've been facing this year so I need to do some brainstorming about that today.

As for the diet, now that the season is done, I'll have no problem sticking with it even on the weekends. I've been doing well during the week but have given myself complete leeway on game days. I'll also have more time to get to the gym and get to bed at a decent hour since I'll have less to update on the site... STILL... I'd trade it all in to be busy right through February :-( and beyond.

I'm heading down to throw in a load of laundry and straighten up then it's school work for me...

Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Season is Over :-(

.... I can't believe that our season is over. The Patriots just didn't play up to par last night and their mistakes totally did them in. I feel like I have a hole in the pit of my stomach... I spent today doing my final season podcast (there will be more throughout the offseason, though) and updating the site. Tomorrow, I'll be spending time doing work for school.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Where did the week go?

So, here I sit on a rainy, foggy Saturday morning getting ready to drop one child and his friend off to watch a wrestling tournament and drive to pick up another to bring her home... Mom's taxi at your service. Today we're heading out to lunch then to PPAC to see Blast, then we're heading up to NH to watch the playoff game with Zip and our tailgate crew.

This week was very busy and I didn't get home until much later than I wanted to each night. I stayed at work until after 4:00 working on things then ran around all evening. Thankfully we have Monday off so that I can get the site and podcast worked on because I start taking my class on Wednesday night...

I got over my cold by Thursday but it hit like a ton of bricks. I really should have taken a day out of school but it was a crazy week at school (SALT visit) and I needed to be there...

So.. I'm off to give rides... catch ya after the Big Win!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Sick Bay...

Calling Dr. Bombay... emergency, come right away! LOL!! I guess this cold has got me acting silly :-) Seriously, I'm very congested and have been popping the Airborne like no tomorrow to try to head this one off. I hung loose all day yesterday and did nothing but cleaning and laundry and watching the rest of the Wildcard games. You KNOW I'm sick if I don't even spend much time online! I actually went to bed at 8:30 with a book and was out by 9:00.

So here I sit, getting the site somewhat updated and dying to go to bed early again tonight. Regular updates are done and the pictures are edited but I've got no energy to do the tailgate write-up and start editing the soundseeing tour of the podcast.

So.... sweet dreams!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Game Day!!

Game day is here! I got up early to drop Jacob off at the bus for his wrestling tournament... (that's my committed son, turning down Pats playoff tix to wrestle.) I'm feeling under the weather today and my head is about to explode. Head cold coming so it's Airborne for me!

I've still yet to take down the tree...lol! So, I'll get the chili pot going, the meat marinating, the laundry started and perhaps I can get this house back in order before it's time to take off for the game. We're meeting up at 3:15...so Lets Go Pats!!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Busy, busy, busy!

Whew.... what a busy week. Thank God I got the podcast up during the snowday because this week has been swamped with errands and running around. I literally haven't gotten home to stay after "work" this week before 7:00. Between shopping, giving rides, Jacob's wrestling meet, etc... I've barely had time to get anything done.

The tree is still up...but it can stay till Epiphany at this point. At least I've already got my tailgate shopping done. That's one less thing that I have to do tomorrow night.

My diet has been going well!!! I haven't had a bit of junk since Sunday at the game. Yippee!! The first couple of days are always hard to go without but now I'm getting used to it. I know that I'll go off program for the game on Saturday (but I'm not going to go nuts.... positive thinking!) but I'll jump right back on for Sunday. I'm sooooo looking forward to fitting in my clothes comfortably!

Welp, it's almost time to pick Jake up at practice and I've got to look up a few things online first so... ttfn!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

BONUS!!

So, today was supposed to be the first day back to school after Christmas vacation but... Snow Day!! Sounds Great to me!!! It will give me a chance to get the podcast and website done.

Sunday's game was a cold one and was not that exciting until the 4th quarter when Cassel got his first TD and then Flutie drop kicked the extra point causing the place to erupt. I'm all for having fun on the last game of the year.

Yesterday, I cleaned the house and did laundry and was just ready to update the site when my son decided he needed the computer to do some last minute homework. So, this day off really comes at a good time for me.

I started my diet yesterday and did great all day...stayed away from the sweets..thanks Jake, for making home-made cookies...lol! Although, I'm motivated to lose so it wasn't too hard to say no.

So.... hopefully, I have a very productive day.
Here's my agenda:
1.read mail/research/update website
2.podcast
3.edit pictures
4.tailgate
Then later today if time... take down the tree and put everything away.

Wish me luck!