Tears...

Tears are something that I'm familiar with. Luckily, I've never experienced true heart wrenching pain; the type that comes with the loss of a loved one or other horrific disaster. But, I'm a very sensitive and intense person and truly feel things with the very depth of my soul.

Tears came this weekend...

Upon learning that my son was chosen for a very special award at his annual football banquet. Last season he was awarded "Most Improved Player" for his team. What a great accomplishment, having been recognized out of the 35 boys on his squad for the improvement on the field and in his game. This year, out of the entire organization and over 125 boys, he was picked as the first recipient of the "Sportmanship Award". I am so very, very proud of him. Last year he was honored for his ability, but this year's honor talks about his Character, about the Person that he is... So, I shed tears of joy and pride for the person that is my son.

Tears came this weekend...

Upon realizing that I wasn't there to see him in person and feeling the mother's guilt associated with it. Upon realizing that teenage boys prefer to spend Friday nights with their team mates rather than with mom and dad...

Tears came this weekend...

Upon watching said son enter his wresting tournament seeded at #1 and win his matches on Saturday ready to head into the finals on Sunday. Upon seeing what a great leader, team captain and team mate he is. About feeling the pride of watching your youngest child enter manhood. Mothers of sons who wrestle have first hand knowledge of anxiety and what a racing heart feels like. Wrestling is an individual sport; just one opponent against another mixing strength, speed and strategy.

Tears came this weekend....

Upon watching my beloved son make one mistake in his first match and seeing his opponent capitalize upon it by pinning him... dashing all hopes and dreams of making it to the finals and a chance at the title. At seeing the anguish of a young man who is so stoic and sensitive and logical. At seeing him berate himself and hang his head replaying the match over and over again in his mind, knowing with every fiber of his being that he could have beaten him, and was beating him until the costly error. Of seeing him watch the finals with exasperation while he hung his head and fought back the tears that had to be burning his dark eyes. Of knowing that there was nothing that I could do to take his pain away.

Tears came this morning...

Upon awaking my son and explaining that "Yes, he still had to go to school".. and knowing that it would be the hardest thing for him but also the best thing. About trying to give advice and let him know how very proud I am of him when the advice of trying not to dwell on it is something that I personally suffer from. My son is so much like me; intense, sensitive, and a perfectionist... all good qualities except when something doesn't go right and we replay it in our minds, searching for the answer and justification. Unfortunately, I know that he knows exactly where the problem occured but can't go back and fix it... it was final.

Tears came this afternoon...

Upon walking into a new art class with my special needs kids and hearing boos from the students in the room... Berating them for being so rude and asking them to picture their little sister or brother walking into a room of strangers being met with that...

Tears are coming now...

Thinking about just how I'm supposed to explain everything to my kids when they return momentarily... and make everything all better...